Is There a Place for Love in the Workplace?

I recently attended my daughter’s high school graduation from a Catholic girl’s school. The salutatorian and valedictorian both talked about “love” for their fellow students, the bonds that were formed between the classmates, and their mission to take this power out into the world as graduates. I’m very spiritual but not particularly religious. In fact, the quality of education was the main deciding factor in sending my daughter to the school that I did. But, I was so pleasantly struck by the fervor that these girls had in caring for one another and their fellow humans. This was a product of religious focus in their education and it made me think about all of the challenges that business professionals face in the workplace. I wondered if the practice of love was similar to a technique that I have used in business.

Over my career, I’ve successfully practiced the art of “appreciation” to help influence my interactions with others that I worked with. For those of you who are not familiar with this technique, it is often used to help deal with difficult people, improve working relationships, and increase the likelihood of success in negotiations. Most people aren’t good actors; they wear their emotional expressions on their faces and in their body language. If you don’t like someone, chances are that they can sense that. And, in turn, they will send out the same negative emotional energy which combines with yours and creates an even more negative environment. It’s not only bad for you and the other person; it is bad for everyone else around you!

When you love someone (or appreciate them), the environment is set for much more positive outcomes in life and in business. This may be hard to do, but when you practice love (appreciation) for someone you dislike, you’ll find that you can’t help but begin to see them in a different light. Whatever overpowering negative feelings you have about that individual become lessened if only just a little. And, sometimes a little can mean a lot.

Since this all started with a graduation speech at a religious school, it is only fitting that I address the biblical concept of “loving your enemies.” Most people take the verses from the Gospel of Matthew (5:43-44) literally.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

In reality, loving your enemies is sometimes a really difficult thing to do. In fact, in many instances, it is such a stretch that most people don’t even attempt to do this.

Here’s a little knowledge to help with that struggle. The original word for love used in the ancient Greek translation of this biblical passage (there are three words for love in Greek) was “agape.” Agape is a sort of unconquerable benevolence or invincible goodwill. What was really said here was that we’re supposed to agape our enemies. That’s quite a bit different than the concept of “love.” So, maybe to "agape" those that we are at odds with is similar to the technique of trying to find something to "appreciate." Both activities open you to the possibility that there are some more redeeming qualities that the person possesses than you originally observed.

It can be challenging to figure out how to appreciate people that annoy or anger us and it can be a struggle to focus positively on the people that we dislike. But you can employ the technique of appreciation using three simple steps.

1. Develop Empathy: There’s an old proverb dating back to the Cherokee tribe of Native Americans “Don’t judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.” We all are struggling with something because this is how we grow as humans beings. This includes the people that you dislike. Take some time to think about what this person is really struggling with. Looking for another person’s struggles will help you empathize with them and reduce the negative feelings you have towards them. Even a small acknowledgment of their struggles can bring out your concern and compassion just enough to help you be more receptive to appreciation.
2. Take Inventory: Evaluate your foe for any positive personality traits. Remember that you are probably focusing on the things that you don’t like about the person and it may be difficult at first to think of something positive. But if you really try hard, there will be at least one thing about this individual’s personality that you will appreciate. Maybe they speak well, they are generous, or they have a good sense of humor.  This step is worth spending some time on because the more items you find, the easier it will be to appreciate them.
3. Observe for Pleasing Physical Characteristics: This is a powerful step because it will help to change your physical demeanor towards that person. Try to find something about the person that is attractive or pleasing to you. Maybe they have nice eyes, are a good dresser, have a great haircut, or wear nice jewelry. When you have identified these pleasing physical characteristics you can focus on those aspects when you see that person. It will help to put you in a positive state and it will also foster positive emotional interaction with that person. Again, the more items you find, the better it is. Another great step is to compliment them on one of the aspects that you noticed. This will help to reduce tension and adds more positive momentum towards appreciation.

It can be very easy to be put off by one aspect of another person’s disposition, but each of us is multi-faceted. We can choose to look at the things we don’t like, or we can choose to search for the things that we do like. Practicing “agape” or “appreciation” can be as simple as searching for those positive things that we do like in another person. Positive emotions are critical if you want to create a life you love. Focusing on the positive traits of another will create a situation where you see more about them that you like and less of what you don’t.  With practice, you will find that it becomes easier to be around these people. And who knows, you may even grow to really like them!

Rich
"Finishers Are Winners!"
Dr. Richard B. Greene, DBA, SSBB, CMPE
Speaker, Author, Peak Performance Business Coach

© Copyright 2020 Rich Greene
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Dr. Richard B. Greene is an International Speaker, Best-Selling Author, and Executive Business Coach who helps business executives get to the next level in business, their careers, and their personal lives. Through his IronCode (www.IronMindSuccess.com) acceleration program, he offers one-on-one coaching, group coaching, live seminars, and do-it-yourself development products to significantly increase levels of personal and business success. He’s been featured on radio shows and various news sites including KVCG Radio, The Miami-Herald, The Denver Post, Wall Street Select, Financial News Today, Fox, and ABC.