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The Power of Regret

Apr 10, 2016

A popular saying is to "live life with no regrets." Well…wouldn't that be nice! I'm sure that saying doesn't mean to live life with abandon.

It's probably more about embracing all the things that you might wish to try without fear. Whatever the reason, I believe it is a mistake to discount feelings of regret.

Let's examine the definition of regret. Webster's defines regret as "a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done." The definition describes negative emotions. Probably the most common emotion is disappointment in situations or with yourself.

But, regret has a purpose. Having regret for things that we may have done wrong to someone means that you have a conscience. It means that you have an understanding of right and wrong and that the regret you feel is an indication that you wish to be an agent of positive influence. Regret is usually experienced in regards to some personal action you have taken. But, you can also regret situations that are beyond your control.

Most of the time, regret causes some level of internal angst or pain. Remembering the details of bad decisions or failed relationships is not fun for anyone. It's probably a lot easier to just try to forget about it. But if you do that, you miss a great opportunity to grow.

If used in a proactive manner, regret is a growth tool that can be used for positive change in your life. If you don't feel regret, you miss the opportunity to learn from your mistakes and regret can actually be a motivator for action.

Because most of us don't like the feeling of regret, we are more likely to take action on things to try to fix them. This is called "inspired action." And, it is the lessons learned in the past which we draw upon to take the proper steps to avoid repeating regretful actions. So, in that sense, regret can be a positive emotion if used as a motivator for inspired action and positive change.

Sadly, many people don't use regret as a learning experience for growth or change. They hang on to those feelings of guilt or remorse…sometimes for a lifetime. The results can have damaging effects on both the mind and the body and self-blame often causes people to disengage from everyday life.

The most common results of hanging onto regret are depression and other mental health issues. Studies show that regret can also result in chronic stress, which negatively affects hormonal and immune system functioning. Regret impedes the ability to recover from stressful life events by extending their emotional reach for months, years, or lifetimes.

With conscious effort, you can tackle regret and turn the emotion into a positive influencer that works for you.

Here are three actions you can take:

  1. Look deeper into the reasons for feeling regret over a situation. Regret, as described earlier has a purpose. It is one way that our brain tells us to analyze our choices because the actions we are taking will result in a negative outcome. If we've already taken the action, it's best to recognize the consequences and change direction instead of doing the same thing over and over again. Analyzing regret can be a very powerful tool. The intense feeling of regret is one of the factors used by those that suffer from addiction to get treatment; oftentimes saving their lives.
  2. Don't waste time on things beyond your control. First, don't place blame on yourself for situations beyond your control. Recognize them for what they are and move on. Also, don't ruminate too long on past mistakes. Analyze what you did wrong; decide on a course of action; then move forward. Forgive yourself and then earn that forgiveness by making changes in your actions moving forward.
  3. Reframe the situation. As self-deluded as some people can be, there is no such thing as a perfect person. Usually, most of the successful people you encounter in the world have used failure and mistakes as the foundation for their current fortunes or happiness. You just don't hear about those things. Everybody makes mistakes and mistakes can be opportunities to learn important lessons about yourself. They can teach you new ways of reacting, values, vulnerabilities, triggers, as well as dealing with other people. Realize this aspect and reframe the situation into a positive, self-correcting experience.

People tend to think of regret as a backward-looking emotion. We regret things in the past. But regret isn’t just a backward-looking emotion, it also looks forward and it can be a powerful emotion that affects our behavior in the present. Be proactive about how you experience regret and you'll find life to be happier and a bit more productive.

"Remorse is the poison of life." ~ CHARLOTTE BRONTE, Jane Eyre

Rich
"Finishers Are Winners!"

Dr. Richard B. Greene, DBA, SSBB, CMPE
Speaker, Author, Peak Performance Business Coach

© Copyright 2020 Rich Greene
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Dr. Richard B. Greene is an International Speaker, Best-Selling Author, and Executive Business Coach who helps business executives get to the next level in business, their careers, and their personal lives. Through his IronCode (www.IronMindSuccess.com) acceleration program, he offers one-on-one coaching, group coaching, live seminars, and do-it-yourself development products to significantly increase levels of personal and business success. He’s been featured on radio shows and various news sites including KVCG Radio, The Miami-Herald, The Denver Post, Wall Street Select, Financial News Today, Fox, and ABC.